Stannis (The Mannis?)

Everyone has their own favorite nominee for king:

But every series has that one guy. They won’t give up, you’d have better luck bending steel with your genitalia than getting them to budge one iota away from their ‘rights’ or conceptions of right and wrong. They are the principles zealots, the fanatics, the true believers.

If you hate this card, I can assure you that you are not alone.

There are hundreds of names for people who stubbornly cling to the wreckage of the law to justify their actions, most of them involve four letters and are bleeped out. Some notable polysyllabic exceptions include:

• Heir-apparent
• Legally correct
• Self-righteous
• Numbers obsessed
• Letter of the law (rather than the spirit of it)
• Manichean world-view (fancy term for ‘black and white perception of reality’)
• Subtlety-challenged
• Determinator (a portmanteau of ‘terminator’ and ‘determined, thank you TVTROPES)

STANNIS FREAKIN’ BARATHEON.

He’s a cheerful fellow!

Stannis encompasses all of these words and more. The brother of Renly and Robert Baratheon, Stannis is accurately noted by Loras Tyrell as ‘having the personality of a lobster’.

Congrats, Loras. You managed a single witty observation. Gold Star!

Fitting, because lobsters fight to the death, which is why when you see them in restaurant tanks they have rubber bands around their pincers. That’s not to protect us, the diners. The bands are to prevent the lobsters from murdering the crap out of each other while they are on the crustacean equivalent of death row.

Stannis’s spirit animal and personal totem

I know I would enjoy the books and show just a fraction more if instead of the fiery heart of the Lord of Light, Stannis’s personal insignia was in fact a lobster. Make it happen, HBO.

Anyway, a brief bio of Stannis:

Rejection and Failure. Forever.

What? That was as brief as I could make it! Oh fine. Stannis Baratheon is that annoyingly persistent little terrier that yaps around the big dogs as they fight. Legally, he has every right to ascend to his brother Robert’s throne (since Robert’s children are really Jaime Lannister’s children) as king of Westeros.

Here’s a hint: imagine a clock around it

“You mad, bro?”

Now here’s where Stannis gets interesting. He claims that ‘the throne is his by rights’ and that unlike all the other claimants in the war of five kings he desires the throne not for  power, but because THE LAW SAYS SO.

Stannis in a rare moment of complete joy.

There are a lot of ways to read Stannis’s actions and assign him a color identity.  One could argue his demonstration of cold-blooded pragmatism makes him at least in part associated with black mana.

The color of ambition, flimsy justifications and assassins.

On the upside: No fingerprints!

Or you could convincingly argue that due to his buying into the Faith of R’hllor and allowing Melisandre von Crazyskirt that there is red mana rattling around in there somewhere. That and 9/10th of his battle strategy being categorized as ‘ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK’.

The color of madmen, the tactically challenged and arsonists.

One of the better looking fanatics in fiction, but a fanatic nonetheless.

But I believe that the color that suits Stannis Baratheon best is White.

The color of monotony, law and tax men.

Stannis takes White’s obsession with LAW and dials it up past eleven. The reason he’s a claimant at all is because of his belief in the rights of succession. White also has close ties with fanaticism:

White is also quite comfortable with evangelical causes, such as religion, but especially militaristic ones.

Oh hi there, Mel. Didn’t see you burning ‘heretics’ there…

Stannis cares about the letter and spirit of the law, but not it’s morals. He believes that making concessions is weakness, and takes a Manichean world view. You’re either on his side or an enemy. Naturally, this approach when you have the smallest army and lowest amount of gold in the Seven Kingdoms will net you many enemies and few friends.

This sort of absolutism makes Stannis a terrible diplomat. Without Davos Seaworth and Melisandre to win people to his side/smooth over rough patches, Stannis would be dead in the water.

Stannis and the more fringe elements of  White mana are, to put it concisely, extremists. In the same way that Black mana all but worships the ego and primacy of self, White mana puts hierarchy and precedent on a pedestal.

Stannis practices a strange blend of reverence for the law, while disregarding the morality behind them. His vision is myopic: it  discards subtlety for absolutes, thought for dogma and insight for blind faith in the law.

Yeah, as you may have gathered I’m not a fan of Stannis. Or even particularly of White mana. White worships order, to the point of entropy and stagnation. A fanatical White character would not upgrade a system in need of reform because that would temporarily disrupt the order of said system.

White discourages anything that might endanger the status quo, and is actively afraid of change.

This is one of the less appealing sides of White, long considered ‘the hero color’ and conventionally considered good. White, in extremes, cares more about order/heirarchies than it does about people and is completely comfortable with horrible systems like fascism, totalitarianism, and persecution.

Stannis is a fundamentally flat character in the show, although not without his (loud) fanbase who believe that Stannis (The Mannis) is boldly forging new ground in the category of Awkward Awesome Antiheroes.

He won’t stop smiling!

But because I find the Stannis the Mannis memes amusing, here are a few of the best (worst?). It’s weird to see a psuedo-Westerosi Chuck Norris, but I suppose if anyone is bloody-minded enough, it’s him. See you chaps again soon!

The Lucy Lawful Alignments

Now that you’ve finished groaning over the ‘Lucy Lawless’ pun in the title, we can get back to the serious business of blogging about things.

The patron saint of exotic weapon supremacy, unnecessary acrobatics and ululating…

After my last narrow escape from the ever-clutching hands of the Krampus, we meet again to discuss that most titillating of subjects: the alignment system, color pie and holiday figures. A brief re-introduction (from our friends at TvTropes!):

So, before the Krampus comes back to try and re-enslave me, let’s discuss those who are lawful, those who love the law and doing good with it (and not always in that order).

Luuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaww!

And you thought I could get through a whole blog without two crappy movie references? Such boundless, completely misplaced optimism. Anyway, onto the serious business of categorizing and defining the lawful alignments.

The color of order, justice and institutions.

Each alignment (like each color and color-pairing) has shades, aspects and facets that vary depending on the setting of the story and the character’s idiosyncracies. Lawful, however, is one of the easier ones to define by a single color: White (above). White cares about order, structure and everyone playing by the rules (read, their rules). At best, it defends the helpless against the predatory:

               

And at worst it is a xenophobic, totalitarian color that would make George Orwell’s Oceania look like a bazaar of free-will and boners. White, at some level, is deeply uncomfortable with the concept of individuality and strives to always put the group first when possible. It is not a mentally flexible color—it is a great believer in hierarchy and dogma–often discouraging improvements to an established system because order is more important that anything else. Because of White’s association with law enforcement and religion in game, it has a rather simplistic and at times troubling Manichean worldview, as demonstrated below.

Two-drops of intolerance

I confess that I got a bit off track there.  Anyway, onto the Lawful folk. For today’s blog, we’re gonna focus on the Lawful Good folks. There are two main variants I’d like to focus on:

There are those who care more about being Lawful, for whom the pursuit of an ordered (not necessarily fair, flexible or fun) society is the ultimate pursuit. They are believers in the letter of the law and hold the spirit of a law or contract in a faint haze of contempt.

I’d make a Congress joke, but that would be dangerously close to giving them credit…

A prime example of this mindset can be found in the Azorius Senate of Ravnica, a glorified group magic-wielding bureaucrats who write the laws of the city-plane. This group and those who cast themselves in their mold are cold, rational and don’t have terribly much empathy or concern for the individual. Their knowledge and love of the law is sterile, precise and leaves no room for empathy or feeling.

If you recognize this symbol, it is because you too have felt the drudgery of their paperwork…

A vindictive landlord turned up to Eleven

That is the far end of the ‘Lawful over Good’ spectrum. There are lighter shades, of course, including one we all know in popular culture:

This guy again!?

Santa Claus is definitely a Blue/White character, albeit the benevolent version. His method of distributing riches/toys is systematic, orderly and thoroughly but meant to reward obedience and virtue.  Even the imagery and landscape he is imagined to inhabit (the North Pole) can be linked with Blue/White—which has long had a monopoly on ice/light based spells.

Short version: Santa will reward you, but only if you meet his specific guidelines for being ‘good’ (which are doubtless indexed, cross-referenced and bound in genuine reindeer hide binders near the back of his artic cabin)

Assholes. They’re just waiting until your back is turned to give you the much feared ‘Rudolph-treatment’.

Of course, there are those who care more about being Good,those who believe more in the spirit of the law and believe that the letter of the law are more guidelines to a just and fair society. These sort of characters believe that the law is meant to help people, not just to keep the world static. In short, this is what happens when you add Red mana’s passionate zeal for life and combine it with White’s love of protecting the helpless.

The color-pair of vigilantes, cowboy-cops and activists.

In other words, this guy:

Sam Vimes is a police officer—er, sorry, watchman– in Terry Pratchett’s  Discworld series. He has gone through some serious character development (starting as a drunken wreck and steadily leveling up in characterization and badassery through each successive book into a certifiable master of dirty fighting and head of the Night Watch.

Vimes color identity can be ascertained through his fighting style–quick, dirty and non-lethal. Red is a big proponent of speed, White is reluctant to out and out kill a non-attacking creature. Both colors are comfortable with removing creatures from combat in unorthodox ways (although Red has a passionate love of setting things on fire…or smiting them with lightning…or crushing them under a mountain). Sam Vimes is able to use White’s love of rules to stop himself from going over the edge and killing someone in cold blood, and Red’s passion to keep himself connected to his co-workers and family.

Sam uses the law to both keep in check his own violent impulses (that he calls ‘The Beast’) and as a framework to reform the (At the start) thoroughly corrupt city watch. He is willing to “bend, not break” the law to help citizens or pursue a criminal and is possessed (According to his creator) a ‘singular bloody-mindedness). These traits make him a perfect example of a lawful good character who cares more about being ‘good’ than being by the books ‘lawful.’

I hear the Krampus’s heavy tread.

…And this is after he’s had time to get rid of his morning face…

 

I must flee!

The Krampus: I HAVE REDISCOVERED THE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT! LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT!

I’ll be back with another blog when I can pull myself out of this reinforced bunker…

In the meantime, feel free to vote on what Alignment I should cover next!

The Krampus and Alignment System Cometh…

The Holidays are fast upon on us! Feasting, family (combined, usually not in the Hannibal-type way) and philosophizing will be rampant. Even the snow-demons, safe for now under their insulating layers of cold, will be sipping the tears of field mice and wondering just what the New Year will bring.

Don’t be fooled. Snow-demons, micro-yetis and other unspeakable creatures lurk beneath the snow…

 

What better time to ponder the foundation of any good story, gaming experience or bit of light philosophy? In short, in the spirit of Christmas/The Winter Solstice/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/The Most Ancient and Vile Rites of The Snow Demons  I will be covering the much loved and well known Alignment System.

The Alignment System is one of Dungeon and Dragons’ most famous tools. People who don’t play D&D (like myself, until recently) still understand and even quote it. In short, the Alignment System is a role-playing tool to help you make your character distinct from yourself. Take a look:

There are a thousand more amusing versions of this, but this is the basics…

It is important to note that these archetypes are guidelines to building a character (or ideology-in-universe) and establishing their priorities, worldview and enemies. Let’s break them down for you (In arbitrary order):

Lawful: Cares about enforcing laws, order and (depending on what side of the good/evil/neutral divide the character falls on) justice. Pretty self explanatory, really. Very White in its general outlook and has a positive fetish for order.

Neutral: Switzerland. The middle child. It takes no side on the Good/Evil debate, or the Order vs. Chaos disagreement (not for one, monolithic reason, it should be noted. Some Neutral characters believe that balance is more important than belief, and would rapidly switch sides between good and evil, in order to keep the balance. Others simply believe that moral codes limit them from doing what they want. Neutral also has the distinction of being the only axis that can ally with itself (Neutral Neutral), which is usually someone who will do exactly what they want, when they want. Or simply doesn’t care about anything but itself.

Chaotic:

Do I need to say anything more really?

 

There are also the three subjective categories–Good, Evil and Neutral. Note that Neutral is the glue that holds this whole damn system together, being the only attribute that can move between Chaos/Order and Good/Evil.

This alignment chart somewhat foreshadows the much-talked about Color Pie:

 

Anyway, the reason I dragged you readers (probably not kicking and screaming, but almost certainly twitching and fidgeting from lack of Game Of Thrones jokes or MTG references) is because I’m going to be giving you a holiday treat. Using both of these systems referred to above—

 

 

Oh dear god KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Sorry, as I was saying before I was interrupted by Santa’s equivalent of a demonic bad cop (if a policeman’s duties including whacking naughty children with sticks and/or abducting them for their failure to be obedient and kind children…)—I will be going through the Alignment System and Pie over the next nine days and giving you an example of each using a—

Santa doesn’t get mad at naughty children. That’s why he has the Kramp–is that his TONGUE?!

Oh, I get it, Krampus. Very droll. You think just because you come from hundreds of years of Teutonic tradition backing you, you can interrupt me? You think because you ride shotgun with Saint Nick you can trample over the basic courtesies of—

At least he sticks to a color-theme…

I bet you got top marks in Interrupting and Failure College, Krampus, you insufferab—oh dear mother of—

The Krampus appears.

The Krampus: YOU HAVE BEEN BAD, CHARLES (Raises his stick and jangles his chains, a mad grin sliding across his strangely sharp mouth and wide-set eyes)

Me:(I dearly wish I could say I met this fierce apparition with a witty retort, but having ones’ trousers unexpectedly fill with urine has the tendency to drown smartass remarks): And I just washed these pants, too.

The Krampus: YOU ARE COMING WITH ME. THANKS TO A RULES UPDATE, BLOGGING WILL LAND YOU A ONE-WAY TRIP IN MY SACK OF PAIN. YOU’RE GOING TO BE QUITE—(Again that mad-eyed, nearly berserk grin, just ahead of that wolf-like growl, the jangling of chains as they snap towards me like hungry serpents…The Krampus minces forward, a strangely dainty movement that only serves to heighten my terror) UNCOMFORTABLE, BOY!

Me: I’m not a boy! (I blurt this out like a sheep with a particularly juicy bit of gossip.) I’m an adult! A man! Your job is to take children, not men!

The Krampus stops in his tracks and for a wonderful moment something like confusion crosses his hybrid face.

The Krampus: PUBERTY SHALL NOT SAVE YOU!

Me: It’s not even Christmas eve yet, you putz! And besides, you are wasting a great opportunity.

The Krampus: DON’T BE ABSURD. I’M GERMAN, WE DON’T WASTE ANYTHING.

Me: Well, in that case, why don’t you let me finish my blogs? You can co-host if you want. Then, if you still think I should be dragged off to your shack, I’m all for it. I just hate to leave a project unfinished. I mean, you’re the star of one of the episodes!

BEAT

THE KRAMPUS: IS THAT ‘THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA’ I HEAR PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND?

Me: No, of course not. That would be silly. See you tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

Captain Ahab

On today’s blog, we’re going to be dealing with the contentious captain of the Pequod! The avatar of anger, the bilious badass, the carnage-craving commandant himself…Captain Ahab.

…And THAT is his happy face…

Ahab is an anti-hero, even villainous: he is consistently portrayed as mentally unstable, hungering for vengeance against a ‘dumb beast’ as Starbuck notes (something that Starbuck himself considers a blasphemy).

  Ahab’s hunger for retribution outweighs literally everything else in the story: his family, his ship, the safety of his crew, and even his own sense of self-preservation. He is hell-bent on vengeance on the white whale, the monster that took his leg and scarred his face: Moby Dick. Every waking moment of his life is spent obsessively hunting this creature.

According to Wizards, someone who is focused completely on revenge to the EXCLUSION of any other traits is the colors above (White-Black-Red). For example:

Not shown: Concern for long term ramifications.

and cards that reward aggression over logic:

I confess, I had a hard time swallowing a three-color explanation for something as simple as revenge. But then I pondered it a bit, and it turns out that revenge (and Ahab!) are a bit more complicated than they appear. Let’s break down the component colors and how they apply to Ahab.

FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

White mana is chiefly concerned, in this combination, with justice and order in the abstract sense. I can hear you saying ‘justice isn’t revenge!’ Well, no, but the basic premise of justice is a sort of legally sanctioned retribution. When seen in that context, White makes perfect sense for Ahab. White is also the most obsessed with order and planning: one of my favorite scenes from the book is Ahab in his study (Ok, it’s someone else DISCUSSING the amount of planning Ahab put into this voyage but still). Ahab   figuring out where Moby Dick will be at any given time through his knowledge of the seven seas and copious amounts of maps, charts and reports on pods of whales and their patterns. His hours of study (eventually) pay off (sort of) in the end.

Ahab looks a little…strung out…

Faustian bargains included.

Black mana, at least as it applies to Ahab, is chiefly concerned with the self. It  doesn’t hurt that black mana has historically the longest reputation for being ‘good at killling’ and views homicide/whale-o-cide as the sword that cuts the Gordian knot of life’s problems.  Ahab is completely obsessed with fulfilling his vengeance, it’s a purely selfish desire. As noted above, he forsakes hearth, health and the lives of his crew: everything is coin to be spent to in pursuit of his revenge. One gets the uncomfortable feeling that if blowing up a lifeboat full of orphans would somehow help Ahab fulfill his crusade against Moby Dick he’d be down in the hold measuring out the gunpowder before you could say ‘unfettered’. Ahab has discarded a large part of his humanity in pursuit of his goal, and that’s exactly what black mana is all about: making deals with the devil (or your id) for power or a desired result.

 

Now THAT is a scar…

 

Rationality optional

Red is chiefly concerned with passion and the primacy of emotions. Ahab’s emotions, his, shall we say, burning desire for revenge is what keeps him going for the whole book. While Black or White might calculate the loss-gain ratios of an action, red doesn’t even bother. Ahab places feelings, in this case, hatred, so high on the list that he is willing to pay any price to achieve it, to get that emotional satisfaction. He also insists on killing the whale himself, with a harpoon, as opposed to a more pragmatic option like opening up on Moby Dick with a broadside. This sort of blood lust is characteristic of red characters.  Ahab is being kept alive and awake at night by the sheer power of hatred, not logic or purpose. On an animal that has no concept that it has done anything wrong. Yep, the logic part of Ahab that doesn’t involve killing Moby Dick checked out a while ago.

So that’s Ahab. Join me again for next week, when I’ll return to Westeros and deal with our favorite bastard.

 

 

Sansa Stark

Today we will be talking about Sansa Stark and where she fits in the Color Pie! Sansa is the oldest female child of Eddard Stark

He truly was a cut above the rest…

and Catelyn Tully:

Westerosi Idol is a bit crueler with its criticisms and penalties…

Sansa starts the books as a naive newcomer to King’s Landing but her character arc, while deeply unpleasant for her to go through, is one of the most interesting in the series. Some have described it as a 3-book long ‘breaking’ of a character. Lets list most of the terrible things that have happened to Sansa in roughly chronological order:

• Has her direwolf, Lady, killed off. Due to the Starks implicit warging ability (the ability to see and feel through their direwolves and later actually control them) this was likely more traumatic than losing a pet would ordinarily be for a young girl, even if Sansa never developed her gift to the extent that Bran or Jon did.
• Betrayed her father’s plans to Cersei in a misguided attempt to stay with her ‘true love’ Joffrey (Yes, THAT Joffery) which leads to…
• Joffrey deciding to have her father publicly beheaded instead of pardoned for reasons that basically boiled down to ‘for fun’.
• Her household butchered in front of her
• Consistently beaten and bullied by Joffrey and Cersei
• Suffers a near-rape experience from the Hound during the battle of the Blackwater. To his sort of credit, he can’t go through with it and leaves.
• Mother and brother killed at the Red Wedding
• Forced to marry Tyrion Lannister (partial aversion: if you’re going to be forced to marry someone in Westeros it might as well be Tyrion. He might be the only person who won’t mistreat you and treat you as a human being. Even still, being forced into a marriage before the whole realm is not pleasant.)
• Is blamed for the ‘Purple Wedding’ and while she had a tertiary part in it, was not directly to blame for Joffrey’s death.
• 

  A long time coming, but oh so deserved…

• Cersei, as usual, doesn’t make such a fine distinctions and has a price on her head as she flees the capital with…
• The worst person possible. Littlefinger. Commander of the Creepy Commandos.
• 

  100% trustworthy!

• Littlefinger, when  not  hitting on her, whisked Sansa away to her dear, mentally unstable Auntie Lysa in the Vale.
• Lysa is the poster woman for the ‘resentful, batshit aunt’ trope. If that’s not a trope yet, well then you’re welcome! Let’s add homicidal, manic-depressive and delusional to the mix, as she promptly tries to throw Sansa out of the Moon Door after engaging her to her whiny, petulant turd of a son, Robin.
• 

  The future lord of the Vale, everyone!

  Littlefinger then defenestrates Lysa and everyone briefly forgets what a slimeball he is for a whole second. Proving that you can be as evil as you want but as long as you kill someone who’s stark-raving nuts, you’ll still have your fans and defenders.

• Now Sansa is posing as Littlefinger’s bastard daughter Alayne Stone and is learning how to play the game of thrones from him. If this doesn’t sound traumatic, it’s because it isn’t, in and of itself. It’s because Littlefinger molests her when at all possible in a creepy pseudo-paternal way and is preparing her for the day when Robin ‘accidentally’ is given too much Westerosi-opiates and kicks the can.

Whew! That was harrowing. Let’s give you a picture of a kitten to make you feel better.

If George RR Martin was writing Game of Meows Sir Pounce here would be neutered before the end of the first act…

Ok, so that’s the fast version. Let’s evaluate how Sansa has changed and developed as a character throughout the books, using the Color Pie.

Sansa’s initial defining characteristic was her innocence and belief in that old bugbear ‘beauty=goodness’. Sansa is the girly-girl to Arya’s tomboy, the one who worries that she’ll never get married when she’s still a tween. She is a creature of needs, at first, before the plot really kicks it into high gear. She is, in short, the much dreaded and reviled Princess Archetype.

The face of evil!

The Princess Archetype isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, when done sloppily they can be some of the most grating, infuriating and just plain BORING characters. Thankfully GRRM and HBO know their stuff. Yes, Sansa is preachy and intolerant at times as well as nearly willfully naive, but she doesn’t stay that way in the face of evidence to the contrary.

Sansa is a well rounded character who learns from her experiences, albeit slowly at first and is thoroughly human and not a cardboard cutout.  A key part of understanding her character is her basic assumption that life is a story.

 

I really can’t resist the bad puns today. Stop me before I pun again!

In short: that most dangerous of notions, that life is fair.

What color cares the most about fairness now?

White is the color for non-rebellious princesses. No word yet on their stance on unicorns, or whether in fact friendship is Magic…

FEAR THE BRONZE SCALES OF LANDSCREWING!

 

White is the color of established order, of hierarchy and laws. Sansa has a lawful side that is slowly eaten away at throughout the series as she realizes that all the nobility in the world is just a facade, a mask for selfishness and savagery. But like any good Stark (There isn’t a Stark that doesn’t have Green or White in their cost in some way or another) she clings to her beliefs and heritage. She believes, at first, that everyone has their place and not to fulfill your duty is to fail, see below:

Yeah, think you dodged a bullet there…

Sansa believes every story has a happy ending, up until Ned’s head rolls and Joffrey unmasks himself in full. .She is left alone among enemies, forced to deal with Joffery’s constant humiliations, the queens pettiness and the Tyrells desperately trying to marry her into their family. While the Tyrells are arguably a lighter shade of black than the Lannisters, they are by no means good people, a safe assumption for any non-Stark great house of Westeros.

She can snark with the best of them…

It is through her interactions with the Lannisters and Tyrells that Sansa begins to reform her worldview, to see the world as something other than a story, as something that she can actively shape and influence.

Sansa falls under the dubious and decidedly ambivalent ‘protection’ of Littlefinger, a person who it is better not to be noticed by for good or ill. After orchestrating Joffrey’s assassination, he whisks her away and begins teaching her the basics of manipulation and ‘climbing the ladder to power’ while brainwashing her into her role as his ‘bastard daughter’ Alayne Stone.

…He’s that guy…

What color do we know that is more concerned with acquiring power than any other?

Black mana. Black is chiefly concerned with two things: ambition and self-preservation. Black-aligned cards will pay any price to meet their goals: discarding cards, sacrificing creatures, paying life to fuel an effect…nothing is off the table. Black lives to accrue power and honors for itself, it enjoys power for power’s sake.

At the same time, Black utterly shuns any sense of morality. It is proudly independent and amoral. It believes that everyone is fundamentally selfish and in it only for itself. It sees any other worldview as inherently hypocritical.

Littlefinger is a Black-aligned character: he has even less rules and scruples than Varys, a man noted for his lack of boundaries. He has clearly imparted some of Black’s outlook to Sansa in teaching her the basics of politics.

Very Orzhovian…

It is unclear what direction Sansa’s character arc will go, but as it stands now she’s clearly a black-white character. Mark Rosewater once said in his articles on color-pairs that being Black-White is like playing Diplomacy: Only one person can win, but nobody gets anywhere without allies. There is always the conflict between what you want, and what’s good for your ally (and keep them appeased).

 

Go for the butcher knife…the fork is hilarious, but impractical.

As a Diplomacy player, I can attest to this. Knowing who to betray and when is something approaching an art form. Westeros is no different than our world when treaties are being brokered and broken, thusly all highly politically powerful characters are likely to have either Black or White mana, if not both in their alignment somewhere.

I feel it’s important to note that all color combinations come in shades. Tywin Lannister was a Black/White character, but a very different personality from Sansa. Tywin is a domineering magnificent bastard, Sansa believes that a woman’s armor is her courtesy. Tywin submits his own children to horrific punishments while Sansa has largely been a victim of circumstance.

You’ll have to imagine the entirely justified crossbow bolt(s).

Sansa is losing her sense of self the more the stories go on, immersing herself more and more into a fictional life to gain power and influence. GRRM said in a recent blog that ‘Sansa may not even exist, there might only be Alayne’. What higher price can one pay for power than their sense of of self, their soul, in service to gaining power? Its implied that Sansa holds on to Littlefinger both out of a sense of gratitude (very Stark) and because it is better to stick with the devil she knows. Anyone else might sell her back to Cersei for a title.

Once that leverage is gone, though (Cersei has been merrily skipping down the Batshit Insane Expressway for the past two books and is effectively isolated from any position of power at the moment) what is to stop Sansa from turning on Littlefinger when she’s solidified her power-base? It’s a common fan theory, one that is gaining steam alongside Jon Snow’s parentage (more on that next blog).

THAT would be a backstab to remember.

Westerosi Road Signs

 

 

 

 

 

Oberyn Martell and Gregor Clegane

This is the first time I’ve done a double character analysis. The two I’ve elected to do today are polar opposites, mortal enemies, and are unlikely to ever exchange a non-threatening word. I am of course speaking of Gregor ‘The Mountain’ Clegane:

Totally the embodiment of chivalry and not at all a rapist. 

And Oberyn ‘The Red Viper’ Martell:

Bisexual and doesn’t afraid of anything.

Both of these people give truth to the common wisdom that it’s unwise to mess with anyone who has a nickname. The two characters couldn’t be more dissimilar:

Gregor Clegane is a monster, a thug and a brigand. He is Tywin Lannister’s go-to-brute, the premier hatchet-man serving the current royal family. He averts the ‘Noble Top Enforcer’ trope brutally, the same way he does everything else.

Ayup. That’s Gregor killing a baby. In front of it’s mother.

 Gregor has been an irredeemable prick since the age of six, when he held his brother Sandor’s head to a brazier for ‘stealing’ a toy of his. He murdered his younger sister and is implied to have arranged his father’s ‘hunting accident’, which is Westerosi parlance for ‘sending someone to Belize in a way that attempts to negate all political/economic fallout’.

ROBERT: Strongwine + Hunting = MY BEST IDEA EVER!

However, Gregor’s crowning (geddit?) infamy was at the Sack of King’s Landing, where he butchered Rhaegar Targaryen’s children, and raped and murdered the crown-prince’s wife, Elia. Elia, as in Elia Martell, Oberyn Martell’s sister.

You now may gasp collectively. Go on, do it, it’ll be a relief. I will even permit you to emit the phrase ‘Oh snap’ and snap your fingers in a sassy manner.

Naturally, Oberyn was burning for revenge. He suspected Tywin Lannister gave the order to have his sister and nephew killed, but there was no way to reach him or the “Mountain that Rides”. Until Tyrion’s trial, where Gregor Clegane stood champion for the Crown…

So, besides the fact that these two are soon to be engaged in mortal combat, what do they have in common?

The color of idiot heroes, monsters and artists…

Red, to be precise.

I’ve spoken about Red before, but I feel some reiteration is in order. Red is most concerned with chaos and impulse, emotions and novelty. Red has a weakness for sensation. It is often referred to as ‘the dumb color’, in part for it’s preference for ‘all in’ sort of strategies and disdain for card-advantage and long-term planning.

To break it down even further, Red is the ID of the Freudian trio (it’s roommates and best-friends-for-life with Green in this respect). Like all colors, Red comes in shades. It’s easy for Red to be a heroic color: brave, protective of it’s friends and loved ones, even idealistic to a degree. It’s just as easy for Red to be a complete monster: depraved, short-sighted and sadistic who only listens to it’s baser urges (Gregor).

Maraxus of Keld and Gregor could probably play the ‘atrocity drinking game’.

Revenge is a major motivator for Red as well, which brings us back to Oberyn Martell.

Oberyn cares about two things: revenge and novelty. He is constantly trying to see new parts of the world, meet and sleep with new people, and extract screaming, agonizing vengeance on his enemies. He’s essentially a Byronic hero, ‘mad, bad[ass!] and dangerous to know’.

 

For God’s sake, never so much as WHISPER ‘The Rains of Castamere’ if Oberyn is within a 30 mile radius…

That said, he also is an eloquent man and not deaf to subtlety. There is a common misconception in MTG that Red is the Leeroy Jenkins color, the one that goes haring off, and attacks anything that moves because it got bored, and couldn’t be bothered to come up with a plan.

 

Well, that’s true, as far as it goes. But it has been demonstrated time and time again in MTG that Red, while perhaps the least deliberate color, is certainly capable of restraint, eloquence and appreciation for things beyond smashing them. Red is even capable of duplicity:

Why do I feel this abominable itching between my shoulder-blades…?

and dizzying insight:

Red is lead by the nose by its emotions, they are how it makes decisions and prioritizes. But that does not, I must emphatically state, mean that Red is stupid. To be fair, if one of your tribes consist of Goblins, hardly the geniuses of the MTG universe, intellect isn’t one of your primary concerns:

Back to the Snake and the Mountain. As mentioned, all colors come in shades. Not every White character is a xenophobic commie-nazi. Not every Black character is a textbook fantasy villain or corrupt jerkass. Oberyn and Gregor are different shades of the same color.

Oberyn Martell has walked the earth of Westeros, gathering up experiences and notches on bedposts. The Prince of Dorne is an accomplished statesman, a sometimes poet and a constant libertine.  He has proved that he has interests outside of self-gratification and carnal pleasures: he studied at the Citadel and is a loving father to all eight (!) of his bastard daughters. This love of adventure and sensation has not stopped him from forming deep emotional attachments to his paramour, Ellaria.

They even color-coordinate!

Gregor Clegane, in contrasts, exists only to rape, murder and torture anyone that Tywin Lannister so much as looks at sideways (even if he didn’t, you’re still not safe: the book is littered with examples of Gregor’s pointless and unprovoked brutality). The only way that Ser Gregor knows how to relate to other people is by killing/debasing them, and it is made clear that it is his emotional impulses, not a calculated agenda, is the impetus for this.

Utterly terrifying. Fortunately, not terrifyingly bright.

Oberyn is driven by his desire for revenge for Elia and her children. That’s his role in the story, that’s what helps move the plot forward. However, unlike many other demonstrably Red characters, Oberyn was forced to bide his time to get his revenge, and was forced to resort to subterfuge and intrigue to be in a situation where he could kill Gregor without risk of retaliation.

In contrast, Gregor doesn’t appear to understand the idea of revenge because as far as we know, he’s never been in a position where he was weak or powerless, at least until he fights Oberyn. It’s part of his disturbing lack of empathy, and indeed his whole life is based around him being a weapon of terror for the Lannisters. It’s also what’s precludes him from being a Black character, or even Black/Red: Just as Gregor is deaf to vengeance, he is also unfamiliar with ambition or plotting. He exists only to satisfy his emotional impulse, on the pretext of serving Tywin. He has no desire to be anything other than what he is (a complete and utter psychopath, the dog on the end of Tywin Lannister’s chain).

 

 

Geddit?

Lastly, the differences in the two Red characters can be observed in their diametrically opposed fighting styles.

Gregor’s massive horse-killing cheese knife…

 Gregor, despite being a knight at least in name, embodies many tropes common to the berserker. He has little room for tactics or pragmatism, preferring instead for his massive size, plate armor and big freaking sword to win the day. He doesn’t seem to feel blows that would fell a lesser man, and is consistently described as implacable in his advance. His entire fighting style can be described as: ‘walk up to the enemy and hack them to pieces’. He’s a big, tough creature but he has no evasion and can easily be out-manuevered by a skilled opponent.

Oberyn’s method of fighting is much more pragmatic. He favors a long spear, easily eight feet, with a poisoned head (haha) and utilizes his agility and superior reach to win the day (kind of). He embodies the Red tradition of a creature with high power and low toughness equipped with first strike: a glass cannon who can dish it out but can’t take it due to his light armor.

 

 That’s all for now! I’m leaving the character(s) I do next in your hands, leave a comment below with your suggestion. Thanks for reading!

 

The Colors of Tywin Lannister

Tywin Lannister, Hand of the King:

He never smiles, but if he did, it would wipe out a whole kennel of puppies…

(and Lifetime Winner of Westeros’s coveted ‘Worst Father’ award)

It is impossible to talk about Tywin Lannister without using certain words. Words like ‘ruthless’, ‘efficient’, ‘pragmatic’, and ‘stupidly wealthy’ are bound to come up in any discussion that deals with Tywin. As two-time Hand of the King, possessing these traits is the only way to be alive, in power, and over fifty years old in Westerosi society simultaneously.

Tywin possesses a fearsome reputation, which is well supported by his history. When he was a young man he led a brutal assault on his rebellious vassals, the Reynes of Castamere and the Tarbecks. Both houses were eradicated, root and stem, which is Westerosi parlance for a complete familicide.

In addition to bringing the rest of his vassals in line, the extermination of the Reynes and Tarbecks provided the inspiration for the song ‘The Rains of Castamere’, which quickly became the Lannister’s go-to song when seeking to remind people of what happens to people who cross them. And when they feel like making people shit their pants.

Bring me my brown pants…

In order to keep his fearsome repute, Tywin brings to bear not only the massive wealth of Casterly Rock, but also an army of polite, well-mannered and completely business-like soldiers. Soldiers like Gregor ‘The Mountain’ Clegane whose nickname in fandom is The Mountain that Rapes. Guess why.

This is what Gregor Clegane does 50% of the time. Guess what he does in the other half?

However, Tywin keeps monsters like Gregore Clegane on payroll for a pragmatic rather than a sadistic reason (there is that word again, pragmatic, don’t expect this will be the last time either). He knows that ax-crazy lunatics like the Mountain inspire fear and, therefore, obedience in his vassals and enemies.  In one of his worst kick-the-dog-moments, Tywin sent Ser Gregor, during the Sack of Kings Landing, to ‘remove’ (Westerosi slang for ‘brutally murder’) Princess Elia of Dorne and Rhaegar’s children.

Tywin claims not to have ordered the ensuing rape-and-murderfest that followed as a result of this order but, as his history shows, Tywin has not been against using rape as a tool for enforcing obedience. Just ask Tysha, Tyrion’s first wife.

Not pictured: Forgiveness…and a crossbow.

Today we’re going to look at Tywin through the lens of the Color Pie, and attempt to classify him.

All that Tywin does is motivated out of a sense of fierce pragmatism, and a desire to see House Lannister at the top. He has no real scruples or ethical chains.

• Ties of loyalty from friendship don’t bind him: Tywin and Aerys Targaryen were said to be fast friends in their youth, and Tywin still sacked King’s Landing, putting the royal family to the sword.

• Tywin is not particularly restricted by ideas of morality.

•  Even family considerations don’t stay his hand. For example, his treatment of Tyrion and the disowning of Jaime. Tywin’s favorite child is the one that is obeying him at the moment.

“Some men take their vows more seriously than others…”

• Even unspoken rules aren’t safe from him, as he was one of the enablers of the Red Wedding, which violated just about every custom Westeros has.

Since he doesn’t have a middle name in canon, we’ll just give him one here: Tywin ‘Unceasing Ambition’ Lannister. He is completely unfettered by things that tie most other characters down. Even Littlefinger has the crucial weakness of Sansa Stark. What color do we know that prizes ambition and self-advancement at all costs?

Not pictured: A sense of proportion

Tywin seeks power because he is absolutely certain that power is best wielded, and laws best adjusted and carried out, by him. He is a great believer in hierarchy and the rule of law…as long as he is the one who writes and enforces them.

That sounds familiar…

Pictured: Lawful, not necessarily good.

Tywin is an man who values law and order like any White character. He is characterized throughout the books as a thorough, methodical, and detail-obsessed planner. He cares only for Lannister supremacy because he believes that it is best for the realm and himself.

Thusly, Tywin Lannister is definitely a Black/White character:

 

Good for me, bad for you.

Black and White are enemy colors. They are polar opposites, caring about vastly different things, and having vastly divergent strengths. White cares about creating an ideal society; a utopia of law and order that comes at the price of individual rights and passions. Black, on the other hand, prioritizes ambition and selfishness. Black is amoral. White puts morality front and center. White sees itself as honorable. Black sees White as stupid. Black sees itself as efficient and honest about its desire for power. White sees Black as vicious and self-centered.

(Don’t you wish they’d just get on with it and bone already?)

So, with philosophies that are so starkly contrasted, where is the overlap? When Black and White finally solve their differences and work together, they do so through compromises. Black/White cares about the interests of a sub-group, and for the community as a whole. Black/White has a positive fetish for hierarchies, control, and manipulation. Black/White prefer playing a long game, letting it’s opponents wear themselves out.

These tendencies are well demonstrated in Tywin. As his son Tyrion notes in the books, “There was no blood in Tywin Lannister.” The quote makes it clear that while other men have passions, Twin only has a glacier-like inexorability. The entire third book, and season, of Game of Thrones is basically Tywin sitting back because he’s taken a single mistake by Robb Stark, made it into a victory, and nobody else knows it yet.

Roose Bolton’s hugs score a whopping -5 stars on Yelp.

And, of course, Tywin managed to enable the Red Wedding, while keeping the reputation of the Lannister house (relatively) clean, letting the Freys and Boltons take the blame.

There is nothing he won’t do to elevate the Lannister family name. Bribery, murder and intimidation are regularly employed tools to forward Tywin Lannister’s agenda for the Seven Kingdoms. Tywin has a deep and abiding interest in peace and order, and keeping it that way, because it benefits his family. He seeks to create a ‘thousand year dynasty’ (gotta get those Nazi comparisons out of the way quickly) for his family since he is convinced that the only thing that lives beyond the grave is the family name.

Except for the Spirit subtype, this card is Tywin to a T.

Tywin embodies the unfortunate stereotype of being a capable and efficient administrator but an utterly detestable human being.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I’m done with the Lannisters (for now) and now its your turn. Vote on who I should cover next!

The Colors of Jaime Lannister (Red and White)

Jaime Lannister: Lord Commander of the Kingsguard

With great blondness comes great responsibility…

 

Jaime Lannister is the cocksure twin brother of Cersei and older brother of Tyrion Lannister. He is currently the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard and is notorious in-universe for pulling a bodyguard betrayal and killing Aerys ‘Fire-boner’ Targaryen (before he could ignite the city with a hidden cache of wildfire) during the Sack of King’s Landing.

 

 

Not pictured: Sanity

Jaime and his sister Cersei have been lovers for most of their lives and have had three children together. In order of birth and insanity they are: Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen. This was exactly as planned, and nobody any trouble with any of them ever, especially not Joffrey who brutally tortured, murdered and blundered from one catastrophe to the next, plunging the entire continent into a 5-way civil war while kicking as many puppies as possible.

 

Cough Cough Cough.

Jaime will do anything to protect his family (and further the plot of the books). When Brandon Stark finds Jaime and Cersei together in one of Winterfell’s towers, Jaime takes the calm, reasonable approach…

This goes about as well as you would expect.

…for all of two seconds, before sending the boy tumbling out of the tower. This kickstarts a great deal of the story’s plot and sets Jaime up as a villain, at least for the first two books.

Jaime was an active participant in the War of Five Kings, but was forced to sit the last year or so out due to being captured by Robb Stark’s forces when they broke his siege of Riverrun. He escaped with Catelyn Stark’s help, in exchange for a promise of her remaining daughter’s safety. He was escorted back to King’s Landing by Brienne of Tarth, but sadly lost his hand. His sword hand.

“I’m almost certain that that manicure did not go as planned…”

As of season 4, Jaime is back in King’s Landing and learning to adapt to life without his right hand.  Today, we’re going to analyze Jaime’s actions and priorities and place him in the color pie.

“My brother Jaime never saw a knot he didn’t want to hack in two with his sword,” Tyrion once said. Jaime has a strong emotional side to him that takes priority over his formidable wit. As proved by his reactions to most situations:

• pushing Bran out of a window
• insulting people who have the drop on him
• attacking Ned Stark in the streets
• getting captured by Robb Stark

Jaime would rather act hastily than weigh his options, trusting in his hard earned skills  in combat to carry the day. He says at one point that “I only feel alive when I have a sword in hand…”

Jaime’s happy face.

Nowadays we’d call him an adrenaline junkie, but even for such a militaristic society as Westeros Jaime’s love of combat and action stands out. This love of action and emotional highs places Jaime squarely in Red. 

Not pictured: Hesitation

Red is all about the primacy of feelings and sensations, about feeling things deeply and not worrying too much about the big picture. Red would rather have a swift, brutal game than a long and drawn out one. It’s the color most associated with immediate gratification, of giving in to whims and whimsy. Jaime cares about his little brother Tyrion, his sister Cersei, and his role as a Kingsguard and little else.

But there is more to Jaime than a skill at killing and unrestrained id. After losing his hand and being exposed to a person who takes the code of chivalry seriously, he begins to question his place in the world, now that he can’t kill anyone who looks at him sideways.

Brienne: She can kick your ass.

Brienne’s own peculiar brand of pragmatism (she is definitely not afraid to fight dirty when it counts) and devotion to the ideals of chivalry helps remind Jaime of who he once was, and wanted to be. He hero-worshipped the knights of the Kingsguard, especially the legendary Arthur Dayne, for their ironclad sense of honor and skill at arms. Now, deprived of his main negotiation tool (a sword) he is forced to adopt a more guile-filled approach to navigating the world while regaining his own sense of worth and honor.

What color cares about fairness, rules and honor again?

Not pictured: Opportunism

White is the color most commonly associated with order and morality. In this case, Jaime is falling back into using White methods (order, rules, laws, positions and chains of command) to help regain his sense of self-worth and protect those he cares about (Red).

By relying on misdirection, lawful authority and exact words, Jaime is able to advance his own interests, fulfill his vows (both as a kingsguard member and a knight). In short, Jaime is using White methods to achieve Red ends. He also, as we will see below, uses Red’s love of twisting rules around to promote White’s vision of a fairer and more peaceful world.

Not Pictured: Underhandedness.

Jaime Lannister is Red/White.

Red/White is an interesting color-pair. The two usually don’t get along at all: Red is selfish and passionate, White is orderly and focuses on the group. But, like all enemy colors, the pair do have their similarities. They both seem to feel things more keenly than the other colors, they are also the most militaristic and insist on combat superiority (first strike and double strike are shared by these colors).

Remind you of anyone we know?

While a White character might be a devout paladin and a Red character a screaming berserker, they are both fanatically devoted to their cause, only their priorities differ. Knights are another creature-type shared by this color pair, which is fitting. Red/White is also the fastest two color combination in 60 card formats (barring eternal formats), since it possesses a horde of efficient creatures, versatile removal and a single focus: to win before you can hit back. Again, this is appropriate given the topic of this particular blog.

“To be Lawful, or to be Good?”

 That’s the crux of Jaime’s character development.  For a long time, he believed that the two were mutually exclusive, that no matter how one struggled “You’re forsaking one vow for another.”To paraphrase his speech in the Harrenhall baths…

• Obey the king: but what if the king butchers people alive and rapes his wife with you just outside the door and plans to incinerate the city in the biggest example of rage-quitting in literature?

• Obey your father: But what if your father despises the king?

• Protect the innocent: but what if the king orders your to murder innocents?

How Jaime solves these conundrums is essentially by rapidly maturing after the loss of his hand. He realizes, rather belatedly, that the only way to live an honorable life is to have a more flexible and creative interpretation of rules and vows so that they do more good than harm, rather than vice-versa.

Dangerously close to becoming too serious. Have a shirtless Jaime Lannister.

Or, in his words, “If the King orders you to saddle his horse, obey him. If he orders you to kill his horse, talk to me…we are tasked with protecting the King, and that includes protecting him from himself.”

Jaime is finally in a position where his unorthodoxy can do more good than harm. He can curb the more venal and corrupt members of the Kingsguard, break free from corrupting influences (Tywin and Cersei) and regain faith in his own sense of honor.

He is able to fulfill his vows as a Kingsguard (by denying Tywin’s offer of Casterly Rock and Cersei’s entreaties to take power), as a knight (by quelling the Riverlands without technically ever raising a sword against the remaining Stark/Tully loyalists) and as a friend (sending a trusted retainer to secure and protect the remaining Starks). I’d be more graphic, but there are spoilers ahead!

Jaime’s one of the best examples of a guile hero with a strict code of honor who depends on exact words to fulfill his vows and promises. It turns out that Jaime’s brain, with a bit of work, might turn out to be as swift as the hand he lost…

Because there has been far too much seriousness already!

Keep your eyes open for the last Lannister on the list, the unsmiling big bad himself, Tywin of Casterly Rock. He’s up next!

 

The Colors of Tyrion Lannister (Red and Blue)

Tyrion Lannister, Master of Coin:

Tyrion Lannister is the youngest of the three Lannister siblings. His mother died in childbirth, something his father, Tywin Lannister, has never forgiven him for (along with being a dwarf). Tywin then proceeded to make Tyrion’s childhood (and a fair portion of his adult life) a living hell.

Not pictured: Empathy.

A defining moment in Tyrion’s early life was his first love, a peasant girl named Tysha. Tyrion and Tysha (T&T) were smitten with each other and enjoyed a blissful two week marriage, which is exactly how long it took his father to find out about it. Tywin had Tysha raped by a barracks full of guards and sent her away, simultaneously crushing his son’s senses of hope and idealism and securing himself the much contested Worst Father in the Seven Kingdoms award for that year and possibly the next few decades.

Tyrion’s relations with his sister, Cersei, are similarly tense. She, like Tywin, blames him for his mother’s death and treats him with unabashed scorn and derision. The queen regent does her level best to have her little brother killed and thinks nothing of torturing ‘Tyrion’s whore’ (in a case of mistaken identity) to ensure Joffrey’s safety.

Kicks ALL the puppies.

In fact, the only Lannister that Tyrion gets along with is his big brother, Jaime, the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. The two have a deep bond that is explained in the books but only hinted at in the tv series. Jaime is fiercely protective of his little brother, and Tyrion appreciates that, especially given his sister’s and father’s attitudes towards him. In the books, one of Tyrion’s first actions as Hand of the King is to hatch a clever plan to free Jaime from Riverrun using mummers that is only foiled by the Stark forces by happenstance.

Jaime ‘Defenestrate Small Children’ Lannister

Despite Tywin’s best attempts to marginalize his dwarf son, Tyrion is a talented politician, tactician and many other types of ‘icians’. He has served as Hand of the King in his father’s stead and Master of Coin.

Today we will be looking at Tyrion and what makes him tick through the Color Pie.

Tyrion is an intriguing character that mixes a great deal of opposites together, this alone could account for his status as a fan-favorite. He is charismatic without being overly familiar, competent without being cruel. He’s a bookish man in a largely illiterate society, an outcast in the most influential family in Westeros.

As noted before, all three Lannister siblings have a strong impulsive, emotional side to their characters: Cersei is spiteful and willing to cut her own arm off if she can beat you to death with it; Jaime believes in giving your problems a ‘terrible case of sword-through-bowels’ and Tyrion will either charm or buy his way out of trouble (not that he’s averse to a little ass-kicking, but its almost never his first solution). In short, Tyrion is defined by his ability to make the best of a bad situation and to do that quickly.

For Tyrion, a shield is not only a defensive weapon…

This preference for improvisation and his deep-seated belief in helping “Cripples, bastards and broken things” when at all feasible puts Tyrion squarely in the Red part of the color pie. As an outcast himself, he feels empathy for people that others in Westerosi society shun and frequently goes out of his way to help them even at no benefit to himself. Examples include giving Bran and Maester Luwin a copy of his plans for a customized saddle that would allow the crippled boy to ride again and consoling Sansa Stark after the Red Wedding . Tyrion knows what it is to be ostracized and is more than willing to help others in need.

Tyrion is also in part characterized by a hedonistic side that helps serve to humanize him and keep him grounded. He gambles, whores and is quite probably the Game of Thrones character that most would prefer to go drinking with. Robert Baratheon would punch your teeth out in a brawl over a barmaid while insulting your stupid first name:

The Westerosi Butt Monkey in its native environment…

Ned Stark would go on an on about the many intricacies of living honorably Oop North

Ned Stark…heads out.

and Khal Drogo probably would not shut up about horses, raping and pillaging. Hopefully not in the same sentence, as I understand we have laws against that sort of thing.

Seriously, shut up about the horses! We get it!

Tyrion, on the other hand, would probably make some clever remarks, refill the wine and proceed to hold forth about his latest adventure brothel-jumping or escaping the Vale. Even his enemies find the Halfman entertaining!

“I once brought a donkey and honeycomb into a brothel…”

Tyrion’s impulses and wits are almost always his saving throw, but they have landed him in more than one sticky situation. All three  Lannister siblings seem to have a near-supernatural aptitude for witty, cutting and completely badly-timed one-liners that make a bad situation worse. Tyrion can’t help himself, he simply has to have the last word.

I’m sure there is a punner’s hell, and I’m in its ninth circle for this one…

There is  a running joke among the fandom: “Tyrion’s mouth will get him killed–but not in this book!”

Impulse and badly-timed quips included.

Like Cersei and his brother Jaime, Tyrion uses his emotions to help identify and solve problems: unlike them he tends to think ahead even as his most current gambit is in motion and make adjustments as needed. Tyrion has an absolute love of books and claims that they are a large part of his edge over others, saying in season 1:

“My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer and I have my mind…and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone if it is to keep its edge. That’s why I read so much…”

Do we know any colors that prioritize knowledge above all else?

Oh, that’s right. Blue mana.

Tyrion is not only proud of on the fly, creative solutions to his problems but also cherishes painstakingly thought out plans with multiple fail-safes, countermeasures and contingencies. He has demonstrated this love of complexity and research in his defense of King’s Landing during the Battle of the Blackwater amongst others (to go further would be to tiptoe, albeit daintily, into the land of spoilers for those who haven’t read the fourth and fifth books).

He also uses his extensive knowledge of history, culture and lore to adapt quickly to the many perilous situations that his sharp tongue gets him into. He is one of the few characters in series who reads for pleasure, and while this alone doesn’t make him Blue, it is rather telling of his priorities. A library is an armory for Tyrion.

So Tyrion Lannister is Red/Blue.

A quick note here: Blue and Red by themselves wouldn’t be caught dead in the same zip code with each other. That is, for you non-magic players, because Red and Blue are enemy colors (duh!). Any schlub with a basic understanding of a color wheel could tell you that. But for Magic, it takes on an extra level of significance in that the colors have opposing philosophies of life: They value exactly opposite things: Red, as described above values impulse and improvisation, Blue is a reflective and orderly color that prizes rigorous thought and research. Red acts, Blue reacts.

Not pictured: Limitations.

But sometimes, colors that out-and-out hate each others guts combine in unexpected ways.  For Red/Blue their commonality lies in breaking limitations and the status quo, neither color likes being told what to do or not to do. There is a tendency in Magic to flanderize Red/Blue as the color pair with a serious case of magical ADD, but I feel this is a silly hat for the two colors to wear all the time.

Color pairs should have as much depth and layers as a single color. While some Red/Blue characters are talkative, brilliant loons, it should be just as possible in flavor for a  Red/Blue character to have depth, eloquence and a touch of the ribald to them. In short, Tyrion Lannister.

In Magic: The Gathering, Red/Blue is known for being very spell-heavy, combining Red’s tendency to burn things with Blue card-draw, largely eschewing creatures.

…Besides this guy, of course!

Red/Blue is an innovative color pair. Tyrion takes Red’s impulsivity and Blue’s rigorous logic and makes a creativity cocktail.  The result is an explosive, unpredictable color pair that combines the strengths of both. How explosive you ask?

Well, lets look at one of Tyrion’s crowning achievements, achieved by mixing Blue methodology with Red’s love of arson and general hatred for all things made up of wood:

Wildfire and wooden ships tend not to get along…

Tyrion is a huge proponent of lateral thinking: Its no good beating your head against a while when you could simply sidestep it or tunnel under it.  He is able to solve problems creatively and in often unorthodox manners (ranging from bribery, quips, brinksmanship and murder)

His recruitment of the Hill Tribes, Bronn and Oberyn Martell (the LONG list of people Tyrion has enlisted to his cause is too lengthy to reproduce here) all show a flair for the dramatic, charisma, and relentless cunning. I think these things when viewed together make a strong case for Tyrion being a great example of a Red/Blue character.

Stay tuned for the next blog, where we cover the Kingslayer’s exploits and explore his color-alignment and angst.

 

King’s Landing is famous for its back-stabbings, literal and figurative…

 

The Colors of Cersei Lannister (Black, Red, and insane all over?)

Cersei Lannister, the Queen Regent:

Cersei Lannister is the aggressively blond current Queen Regent of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.  She is the mother of Joffrey, Tommen and Myrcella through her brother Jaime, with whom she has a long-term affair (Since they were children, as if it needed to be any more odd than it already is).

Not pictured: Humility

Cersei starts out as a credible threat to the Starks and Baratheons in the beginning of the Game of Thrones novels and tv series. She is a decent manipulator and plotter and is able to reasonably predict most of her opponents actions before they make them. This is true as long as the people you are contending with are Robert ‘Hit it with a Hammer’ Baratheon:

Not pictured: Sobriety

 and Ned ‘Honor Before Reason’ Stark:

Not pictured: Pragmatism

 When the game of thrones gets more complex, Cersei finds herself out of her element and unable to control her sociopathic son and King of Westeros, Joffrey. She is likewise unable to stop her brother Tyrion from effectively running King’s Landing and its defenses (although she has no problem snagging credit for it). Cersei tries to make herself relevant, but the fact is that she is outclassed in acumen and allies by the end of season three of the series. She finds herself isolated from the very power she hungers for.

Today, we’ll be looking at what makes Cersei tick and how that determines her position in the color pie.

 

 Each of the three Lannister siblings has a distinct take on problem solving, and Cersei is the most spiteful and arguably least tactical of the three.

When it would serve her best to ingratiate herself to a potential new ally (for example Margaery Tyrell or Tyrion) she goes out of her way to threaten, belittle and generally be unpleasant to them.

When action is called for, like curbing  Joffrey’s atrocities, she excuses them away as ‘willful behavior.’ If it is something that she thinks compromises her or House Lannister’s standing (note that the two are not always the same) Cersei will swear vengeance and disproportionate retribution even if no offense was intended.

In short, Cersei solves problems based on her first, emotional reaction to the people causing them. That is a very Red way of looking at the world. For Red, planning is less important than how you feel at the present moment and this is evidenced time and time again with Cersei. While she is driven, intelligent and ambitious, she prioritizes her emotional reactions and lets them determine her actions.

Not pictured: Restraint

Let me point out that listening to your emotions is not always a bad characteristic. Red is the color that most focuses on passion, impulse and feelings. Red has a very strong sense of loyalty to its friends and family, and in fairness to Cersei, she does love her children (and Jaime, although this is at least partly rooted in narcissism). Tyrion once quipped “You do love your children. It’s your one redeeming feature. That and your cheekbones.”

Suffice to say, that besides love of her family, Cersei’s other defining trait is a lust for power and respect. She feels excluded and marginalized because she is a woman in an aggressively patriarchal society. This drives her to reach ever-higher for more stations, to indulge the “Lannister appetite for honors”. She doesn’t know EXACTLY what she’ll do with her newfound power, but she’ll come up with something. Cersei, in other words, desires power for power’s sake, not to meet any concrete goal.

Does that sound like any color we know? I don’t know, one that is willing to do anything for power?

Not pictured: Scruples

It is the one of the ironies of her life that while Cersei (in theory) has plenty of power, she can never quite get other people to respect her. So she does her best to get more power. Its a vicious cycle that she is never really broken out of  throughout the series.

So what does being Red/Black mean?

Red/Black is the single most aggressive color combination in the color pie.There is no black/red card intended for defense, because Black/Red doesn’t understand the concept.

Defense? What’s that?

Red’s impulse and black’s willingness to sacrifice resources for power make this pairing intensely powerful and shortsighted. A lot of their cards require you to discard, sacrifice creatures or lands, or even pay life to get the most mileage out of them. Black/Red doesn’t care if it self-destructs, just as long as you go with it.

For example, take this card:

You pay twice as much to have minor effect on the board. This card screams ‘Cersei Lannister’.

 Cersei will gladly hurt herself or her position if she thinks that is what it takes. For example, when she is briefly imprisoned, she experiences a brief breakdown: she rips up her shift, refuses to eat and pisses everywhere to spite her jailers. In a drafty, cold tower cell. She often does the same thing politically, just look at how she handles all non-Lannisters members at court: they are all potential enemies if they so much as look at her sideways or fail to grovel properly.

Factor in  that Cersei starts steadily losing her grip on reality as the series progress and that Black/Red is decidedly…sanity optional, and I think you can make a really strong case for Cersei being a black/red character.

That’s all I’ve got for Cersei for today (without going deep into spoiler-land)

The next blog will discuss her brother, but for now, this image:

Wincest?